One thing I hear over and over again from Asian-Americans is something along the lines of the following: “My parents sacrificed a lot for me to be here in the United States. Therefore, I should do such and such….” This seems to be the Mantra of the second generation, of any children of immigrants. I’ve heard this sort of sentiment so many times it has become a cliche. And, over the years, I have probably said or thought this numerous times, and probably even when forming the basis for my current career path.Recently, though I’ve been realizing that I’ve been speaking or thinking without, uh, thinking. My parents came to the U.S. from Korea, but I don’t really think there is a shred of evidence that my life is any better because of that move. (On the contrary, you could easily argue that I would be better off having grown up in Korea, for a variety of reasons.) Nor do I believe that my parents made this decision for the benefit of their progeny. My parents certainly did struggle in some aspects when they came here, including having to deal with being far away from family, learning a new language and adapting to American culture. But that is a decision they made in their own lives; I can’t pretend that I am beholden to them because of their personal choices.Obviously, the Mantra is probably more applicable to other second-generationers, particularly those whose parents came from destitute or oppressive circumstances in their homelands or who immigrated for reasons that could be more directly caused by the anticipated benefits to their children. But for me, it doesn’t make any sense for me to burden myself in my own life by having an over-exaggerated sense of obligation to my parents solely due to the fact that they are immigrants.
Don’t get me wrong: I am, and will always be, grateful to my parents for being the exceptional role models that they are and for being the awesome parents and people that they are. And because they are so great, I believe they want me to find the life path that gives me the most fulfillment, no matter how proud they are that I’ve become a “prestigious lawyer.” So, if I used the mantra as a rationale to pursue this miserable career, it was probably due to laziness and fear; it was a cop-out to avoid the scariness of having to make the big decisions all on my own. Simply, the Mantra is a mantra because it is rooted in some truth. But it shouldn’t work for everyone and it doesn’t work for me.
liz
this is super-interesting and i have so many questions: how do you think your life would be better had you grown up in korea? why do you think your parents came here if not for the benefit of their progeny? i’m really curious because what you’re staying — that our parents didn’t come here for us — is practically asian american heresy.
but i think your point is excellent — the mantra can be used as a cop-out, a reason to play it safe, when it might not actually apply to us and our parents may not have those expectations for us. we buy into this particular asian american narrative, this mythology, even when it doesn’t quite fit. at the same time, i don’t think people latch onto it for no reason. i feel like many parents take an active role in reinforcing that message, whether or not it’s true — mine certainly did — and there are some one who make a point to communicate to their children that they can do whatever they want, and their children feel less bound by the mantra as a result.
maybe the mantra is one of those things that goes assumed, because it is part of this asian american narrative, unless the parents are deliberate about releasing their children from it.